He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
