I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize