I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
