Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
