Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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