you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
