1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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