is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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