He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
