neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
