i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize