I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
