Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
