Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
