New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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