you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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