Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
