is your mom at the bar?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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