I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
