the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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