so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
