Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
