I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize