I CAN MOONWALK!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
