I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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