Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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