we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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