he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
