i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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