my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Oh god it's open bar.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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