I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
