So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
