Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
