dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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