a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize