Tell her she can't have a vagina
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
