Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
