I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
