I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
