My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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