am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
