for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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