this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
