my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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