dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
