You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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