I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
