walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
