we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
