Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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