Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
