its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
