Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Houston, we have a squirter
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
