its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
