Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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