We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
