even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
