APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
