You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
