Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
