i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
