What a fucking waste of an outfit
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
