Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
