so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
