She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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