i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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