You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
