Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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