My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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