if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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