He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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