Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
