Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
