HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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