operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize