i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
