Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
