While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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