Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
A bitchslap is in order.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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