Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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