the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
