omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
