Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
then he tried to convert me to islam
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
