Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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