sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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