Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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