I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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