Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Your penis caused this!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
