i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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