I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
