I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
