Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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