We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
