I am puke
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
