During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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