and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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