Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
