Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
