Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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