Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
