Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
